Can We Go Out For Dinner?

My younger daughter and I are so alike it's scary.  Everyone who looks at the two of us instantly knows we are father and daughter.  But they may or may not realize that our behaviors are near identical, too.  Over the past several years, my daughter's anxiety levels have risen tremendously, triggered early on by the tornado that rolled throughour backyard in 2011.  Combined with what appears to be a solid dose of ADHD, she can have a hard time concentrating and an even harder time keeping her cool when she doesn't get her way.  It's been a struggle to say the least.

I've, too, have had my share of traumatic life experiences including panic attacks in college, losing my dad too soon, being apart from my mom for several years, several job changes, not to mention a tornado rolling through my backyard.  And while those are stories for another day, I think it's fair to say they have left me a little anxious, too.  I don't have the same focus issues, but it's clear I have some trouble keeping my cool, especially when combating a young child who's lost her cool.  So it's no secret if you've spent any time around my family that my younger daughter and I can go at it pretty strong sometimes.  But one thing remains constant through it all...I love her more than words can ever express.  And every night, I lay in bed wondering how to make things better.  How to teach her the necessary lessons in life while balancing that with letting her just be her.

Tonight, for at least one night, I found the answer.  My wife and older daughter were off at dance class so it was just me and the young one.  Coming off three straight nights of knockdown, drag out, steel cage match, battle royals, and feeling a little lost, my daughter said to me "Can We Go Out For Dinner?".  Now on most week nights after a stressful day of work, I would have said no without hesitating.  But this night, I paused, thought about those night laying in bed thinking about how to make things better, and said yes!  I set out two parameters for her before we left:

1. You need to show me you can behave like a young lady.  You need to sit nicely and have a nice dinner.
2. We are going to take some time to talk about what's been going on and figure out how to make things better.

And off we went.  We shared one side of a booth, hugging hips.  We colored for a bit.  She read to me from the book she was assigned to read this week.  We had some bread.  We talked about our feelings.  We ate our dinner.  And we talked some more.  We even came up with a plan of attack for when she starts to get a little angry.  And I think if I can do my part, she'll do hers as well.  We came home and she went to bed without a single fuss, which on the heels of the last three nights, was a much needed reprieve.  And perhaps a great sign that if we all just stay calm and keep our heads on straight, we can make this work.  I know it's just one night, and I know it won't always work, but just having a plan is a start.

So tonight's lesson?  Food can really bring people together.  And if the plan works, I'll share it in a follow up blog post soon.  Wish us luck!

Why Is a Big Bowl of Ice Cream So Comforting?

Tonight's dessert

After a long and stressful day, most adults utter the following words: "I need a drink".  Heck, even I utter those words sometimes, and then I remember I don't drink any more.  So instead, I think "I need a ridiculous amount of ice cream covered in crumbled thin mints or Oreos or pretty much any cookie I can find in the house, then smothered in hot fudge sauce right out of the microwave and topped off with a mile-high spray of whipped cream.  Oh, and give me a tall glass of milk along side.  And until recently, it was whole milk, but I finally came to my senses just a little bit.  So "Why Is a Big Bowl of Ice Cream So Comforting?"

I know it's not the near thousand calories I'm ingesting.  And I don't think it's the brain freeze I get if I eat it too fast.  So what is it?  I think each sinful spoonful offers a little break from the daily grind.  With that first bite, you're transported to your younger days, hanging out in front of the ice cream shop licking clockwise around the cone so the melting ice cream doesn't hit the ground.  When life was simple and all you had to worry about was which video game to play next.  With that next taste comes the magical hit of the cold ice cream swirled in with the hot fudge, sending your taste buds into a state of confused euphoria.  Is this a cold dessert or is it a warm desert.  It's both!  In fact, the combination of cold ice cream with warm pie or brownies might just be the best and most comforting food combination ever imagined.

As you dig your spoon into the ice cream for your third mouthful, making sure you get a little of everything, you begin to realize this might not be the healthiest thing for you.  But you know that for just a few brief moments, nothing else matters.  Not the next day's work you should be doing now.  Not the dirty dishes piling up in the sink.  Not the dog whimpering at the water bowl.  That for this small slice of your day, you can just kick back and be as over-indulgent as you like without being judged.  That's a truly comforting feeling.

Dreaming of tomorrow

Spoon by spoon, you slip more and more into an ice cream stupor much as if you had actually indulged in that drink.  But unfortunately, when your spoon clanks against the bottom of the now-empty bowl, you are immediately blasted back into reality, only now with a massive tummy ache.  You wonder aloud why you felt the urge to ingest all of that, but quietly think to yourself, I can't wait for tomorrow night when I can sneak away again with another supersized helping of the good stuff.

What is your "Bowl of Ice Cream"?  Or more importantly to my addiction, what do you put in your bowl of ice cream that I might like to try tomorrow night?  Let me hear from you by commenting below!